resentment

You are what you think…

You are what you think is a well known mantra.

You are what you think…

You are what you think is a well known mantra.  To helps prepare your mind and allow your spirit to blend with this truth, I have listed 5 points below that I hope will help you:

Forgive.

Let go of past hurts and mistakes. What has been said, or what has been done are all things of the past. They happened for a reason and we should learn from both the lessons and from those experiences. There is so much more ahead requiring our best efforts and energy. We cannot afford to carry the additional burden of past mistakes. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes, forgive others for theirs and move on. Feel the peace in your heart and be renewed.

Don’t look back look ahead.

Looking back and worrying about events or incidents that have occurred are of no  benefit to us. They cannot be altered and the mental energy used  on dwelling over them is wasted energy. It is better to conserve such energy for creating new images and new visions for a new future.

Break free of resentment.

Resentment stops progress. It is a mental resistance to something that has happened and over which we do not have any control. Resentment to an injustice, to having been treated unfairly, negatively and so on distracts us and weakens our spirit. Resolve to harness the energy and direct it towards a higher purpose.

Stop feelings of guilt.

One of the most powerful negative emotions.  Guilt leads to a poor self-image. To be rid of guilt or to reduce the damage it can cause, we can act on what we feel guilty about. If it is about being selfish, share more at the next opportunity. If it is about not being kind and caring, be more generous and concerned in the future. We need to do what it takes to cut off from the guilt. We cannot afford to dwell on guilt and let it drag us down.

Clear mental blocks.

There is nothing that we should hold onto or detach from if we want to free our spirit to grow and develop. Mental blocks obstruct our potential and stop the free flow of creative energy. Mental blocks take up valuable space which we need to free up and make available for creating the new wonderful images that we desire.

Whatever challenges life throws at us,  we can face those challenge and work at overcoming them. We have an unlimited and powerful spirit and also power of the mind, if we choose to work at developing and allowing  ourselves to use them.

You are what you think….

Forgiving Yourself – The Benefits

Forgiving Yourself - The Benefits. The one person who can cause you the most harm, be the most oblivious to your best interests, and the hardest for you to forgive: You...

Forgiving Yourself – The Benefits

The one person who can cause you the most harm, be the most oblivious to your best interests, and the hardest for you to forgive: You!

By virtue of being human, you carry within you the potential to do self-destructive and foolish things. You can hurt your loved ones and yourself. You may be hurting right now because of something that you did in the past. Forgiving yourself is in many ways more difficult than forgiving others. Because you know your heart, you cannot get away with partial or false forgiveness.

The Dangers of Self-loathing

When you are unwilling to forgive yourself, you turn the force of your bitterness and anger inward. 2,000 years ago, a wise man wrote that “a house divided against itself cannot stand”. So too, you cannot function properly if you resent yourself. Your relationships, your work, your physical health and your emotional well being are all likely to suffer significantly if you are in a state of unresolved conflict with yourself.

You may be able to get by for a time, you may be able to fool those around you, but in the end you cannot be untrue to yourself. Being bitter against your own soul for the mistakes of your past will lead to only one thing: self-loathing.

If you are harbouring an unforgiving pain within, it is nearly impossible to forgive others. Pain piles upon pain, and your heart becomes hardened. In a tragically short amount of time, your self-loathing will turn into an angry, seething loathing of everything and everyone around you. When you reach that stage, you become very hard to love. The loathing that you broadcast will be returned to you — until you forgive yourself and begin restoring a healthy sense of self-worth.

The Joys of Self-forgiveness

Self-forgiveness brings about a corrected self-image. Free from blame, we can see our true potential and feel good about ourselves again. When you stop flagellating yourself for the sins of your past, your future looks much brighter. Forgiving yourself is not easy.

There can be no tearful confession, no heart to heart talk because all is already known and there is but one heart — a heart broken by a war that can have no winner.

Forgiving yourself requires a conscious effort to let go of the past and take an active step toward a happier and healthier future.There can be no falsity, no deceit.

If you are going to forgive yourself, you’ve got to go all the way. Let the mistakes of your past stay in the past. Push them away as if they never happened.


Written by Deva Ezhil Tamil Nadu, India

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back?

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back? Last week a friend shared with me about a falling out she's had with her brother and his new wife, following a remark that caused her offence.

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back?

Last week a friend shared with me about a falling out she’s had with her brother and his new wife, following a remark that caused her offence.  My friend promptly issued an apology for her insensitivity once she’d realised her mistake, but her new sister-in-law has refused to accept it and hasn’t spoken to her since.  Her brother has backed his wife, leaving my friend feeling first hurt and upset – but now also angry.

I’m sure that you have experienced people who haven’t always been reasonable or rational to deal with; people who can be quick to judge and slow to forgive — even worse, people who have acted maliciously toward you or left you feeling betrayed.  And perhaps, like my friend, you’ve found yourself feeling pretty angry or hurt as a result.

It’s only natural to sometimes find ourselves feeling resentful toward people who are behaving in a self-centred, mean spirited or just “not very evolved” way.  But holding on to that resentment is not only psychologically harmful; it’s physiologically unhealthy. I’m sure you’ve heard me say anger acts like a cancer that can spread throughout all the corners of our life, infiltrate our relationships with people who had nothing to do with the original “crime,”  and take years off our life.  Literally.  Clinical studies have proven the very real link between the emotion of anger and the development of heart disease and numerous other unsavoury ailments and illnesses.  They’ve also proven the medicinal value of letting it go.

The stronger your anger, the greater the reason to let it go.

The only way to let go of anger is through forgiveness: of yourself and of those you feel have ‘wronged’ you.  Holding on to it is akin to swallowing a bottle of poison and waiting for the other person to die.  But as you may know all too well, forgiving is easier said than done.  While we may intellectually understand its benefits, sometimes we still end up in the midst of a head vs. heart tug of war with an indignant voice in our head protesting “What the hell?!  That schmuck doesn’t deserve my forgiveness!” 

That voice comes from the dark side of our ego, something Dr. Freud called our “Id”.  It feeds on righteousness and gets a payoff from being right, from making others wrong, and clinging to its claim on victim-hood — even at the expense of our health and happiness.  Needless to say, it can leave you wallowing in a sea of righteousness, that leaves you feeling anything from mildly pissed off to drowning in rage.

Forgiveness is not a question of whether others are deserving of it.  Because forgiveness is ultimately not about them; it’s about you. More specifically, it’s about how you choose to respond to your anger; whether to let it consume you, or to let it go and live more wholeheartedly as a result.  At the heart of forgiveness is to let go the power an event from the past has on your future.  Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim to yourself. 

You may have had no choice whether to feel pain at the time the “offence” was committed, but you do now.  That doesn’t mean forgetting what happened in the past, nor letting others “off the hook” for their transgression.  Sandra Bullock forgave Jesse James; she still left him.  It just means, to repeat something I heard Oprah Winfrey say, that you give up the hope that the past can ever be any different.

So as my friend confided to me about her own growing resentment, I suggested that maybe this was a really wonderful opportunity for her to practice forgiveness: forgiving her brother and new sister-in-law for simply being the fallible human beings that they are.  That we all are, just at varying places along our journey; and as I reminded my friend, it can’t be much fun to be someone who takes offense so quickly and is so committed to feeling wronged.

What about you?  Is there someone you need to forgive?  Through the simple yet profoundly courageous act of forgiveness, you expand what is possible for you in every arena of your life and enlarge your capacity to give and receive love in every, yes every, relationship.

Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim to yourself.

Forgiveness is not always a one-off event.  Some wounds take longer to heal.  So be patient with yourself when anger simmers back up to the surface.  You are, after all, a “human becoming.”   Just know that within you lies all the courage you need to release your past into the past, and to enlarge your future possibilities for health and for happiness, for life and for love.  Surely that’s worth the effort.

Margie Warrell – About the Author:


Margie Warrell

Thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book – Find Your Courage

To forgive takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger.

To forgive really is divine. It takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger. It’s much easier to hold a grudge. Yet when we make thejustifiable anger choice and allow ourselves to put aside that anger and to forgive those who have harmed us, we actually do ourselves a great service. Making the conscious decision to let go of pain is the beginning of healing. But doing so is challenging because it is easy to become attached to seeing oneself as a victim and to hold onto resentment, even when the person who has harmed us is genuinely sorry. Forgiving someone is both one of the most difficult and one of the most spiritually rewarding choices we can make. Read more>>>>To forgive takes strength to set aside what is often justifiable anger..

40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain

Letting go brings clarityEckhart Tolle believes we create and maintain problems because they give us a sense of identity. Perhaps this explains why we often hold onto our pain far beyond its ability to serve us.

We replay past mistakes over and over again in our head, allowing feelings of shame and regret to shape our actions in the present. We cling to frustration and worry about the future, as if the act of fixation somehow gives us power. We hold stress in our minds and bodies, potentially creating serious health issues, and accept that state of tension as the norm.

Though it may sound simple, Ajahn Chah’s advice speaks volumes:

“If you let go a little, you will have a little peace. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of peace.”

There will never be a time when life is simple. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are 40 ideas to get started:

 

Let Go Of Frustration with Yourself/Your Life

1. Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

2. Change your perception—see the root cause as a blessing in disguise.

3. Cry it out. According to Dr. William Frey II, PH.D., biochemist at the Ramset Medical Center in Minneapolis crying away your negative feelings releases harmful chemicals that build up in your body due to stress.

4. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action—make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer.

5. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment (instead of dwelling on the past of worrying about the future.)

6. Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. You’ll have to let go of a little discontentment to make space for this self satisfaction.

7. Visualize a box in your head labeled “Expectations.” Whenever you start dwelling on how things should be or should have been, mentally shelve the thoughts in this box.

8. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind.

9. Focus all your energy on something you can actually control, instead of dwelling on things you can’t.

10. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. Add this to your to-do list and cross it off when you’re done. This gives you permission to shift your focus after the activity.

Let go of Anger and Bitterness

11. Feel it fully. If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion you have to feel it fully.

12. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This will diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation.

13. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you, and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself.

14. Use Psychologist Steven Stosny’s HEALS technique to prevent impulsive action, which will only prolong the negative feelings.

15. Take responsibility. Many times when you’re angry, you focus on what someone else did that was wrong—which essentially gives away your power. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.

16. Put yourself in the offender’s shoes. We all make mistakes; and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Compassion dissolves anger.

17. Metaphorically throw it away; i.e., jog on the beach with a backpack full of tennis balls. After you’ve built up a bit of rush, toss the balls one by one, labeling each as a part of your anger. (You’ll need to retrieve these—litter angers the earth!)

18. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. You may feel silly, but this allows you to actually express what you’re feeling inside.

19. Wear a rubber band on your wrist, and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.

20. Remind yourself these are your only three options: remove yourself from the situation, change it, or accept it. These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does.

Let Go Of Past Relationships

21. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure.

22. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

23. Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. As Laura Oliver says, “It’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.”

24. Un-romanticize the way you view love. Of course you’ll feel devastated if you believe you lost your soul mate. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again it will be easier to move on.

25. Visualize an empowered single you—the person you were before meeting your last love. That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again.

26. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder.

27. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head to the local bar after putting all her things in a box.

28. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it. “Letting go is love. Holding on is attachment.”

29. Replace your emotional thoughts with facts. When you think, “I’ll never feel loved again!” don’t resist that feeling. Instead, move on to another thought, like “I learned a new song for karaoke tonight.”

30. Use the silly voice technique. According to Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, swapping the voice in your head with a cartoon voice will help take back power from the troubling thought.

Let Go Of Stress

31. Use a deep breathing technique, like ujayii, to soothe yourself and seep into the present moment.

32. Immerse yourself in a group activity. Enjoying the people in your life may help put your problems in perspective.

33. Consider this quotation by Eckhart Tolle:Worry pretends to be necessary but serves no useful purpose.” Questioning how your stress serves you may help you let it go.

34. Metaphorically release it. Write down all your stresses and toss the paper into your fireplace.

35. Replace your thoughts. Notice when you begin thinking about something that stresses you so you can shift your thought process to something more pleasant—like your passion for your hobby.

36. Take a sauna break. Studies reveal that people who go to sauna at least twice a week for 10-30 minutes are less stressed after work than others with similar jobs who don’t.

37. Use this clever technique by Peak Personal Performance to fully digest and release your stress about a situation.

38. Organize your desk. According to Georgia Witkin, assistant director of psychiatry at Mount Sinai School of Medicine, completing a small task increases your sense of control and decreases your stress level.

39. Use it up. Make two lists: one with the root causes of your stress, and one with actions to address them. As you complete these tasks, visualize yourself utilizing and depleting your “stress supply.”

40. Laugh it out. Research shows that laughter soothes tension, improves your immune system, and even eases pain. If you can’t relax for long, start with just ten minutes watching a funny video on YouTube.

It’s a long list, but there’s much left to be said! Can you think of anything to add to this list—other areas of life where we need to practice letting go, and other techniques to start doing it right now?

 

Written by Lori Deschene

Article Source tiny buddha

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