Anger

Daily Guidance ~ Forgiveness

Forgiveness is for a lot of us one of the hardest thing to do. We hold on to the pain for some of us for a lifetime and still take that pain with us when it's our time to return to the spirit world.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is for a lot of us one of the hardest thing to do. We hold on to the pain for some of us for a lifetime and still take that pain with us when it’s our time to return to the spirit world, we just can not let go, we just can not forgive.

From a spiritual perspective as part of the message from the card says;

“Holding on to resentment and anger is preventing or even suffocating your spiritual growth”

After all isn’t that what part of forgiveness is, Resentment and Anger? Unable to let go of the hurt, upset, feeling of anger that someone or a situation caused for you, resenting the feelings that they or the situation gave you?

The Act of Forgiveness as the card again says can be one of the “most damaging of human emotions”. This is true because not only can it affect our present life by affecting our current beliefs, relationships and how we portray ourselves to the outside world, it can also affect our health, mentally, physically and emotionally, because we are holding on to a memory that is very painful for us.

Is forgiveness really about releasing a painful memory?

A question we could all ask ourselves, because the moment someone has done something or said something to hurt us then has it not has already happened? If so then that means it is already in the past, and if so then becomes a memory doesn’t it?

This then leads me onto the next point about forgiveness because who is forgiveness for? The person or situation that hurt you or is it for you? Ask yourself if by you holding onto the anger, hurt, upset and feelings that you are (the “memory” of the event) who is hurting the most? The person who or situation that caused these feelings within you or you? If it was a person for example they may have no feelings of regret for what they have said or done and therefore have already let the memory of the event go! So you are the only one who is getting the continuous feeling of hurt (the memory) aren’t you?

What we must remember is that forgiveness is not for the person or situation that caused all those negative feelings for us or within us. Forgiveness is about releasing the “memory” of the event and letting it go. The person, the situation if we so choose we can release from our life and never allow them to return. But unless we release the memory the pain will stay with us.

I will leave you with thoughts and some more words from the card…

The act of forgiveness in it’s own right is equally incredibly powerful and it has the capacity to heal and transform

As I always say….  “take some time out for yourself! It is allowed

Until next time please take care and stay safe

Steve Robinson ~ Psychic Intuitive Medium


Oracle Card Deck used for reading: The Spirit Messages Oracle Deck by John Holland

How To Manage Your Anger – Introduction and Tips

How to manage your anger. In this article we will talk about the symptoms or kinds of anger, this way you will be able to know how to manage your anger.

How to manage your anger.

In this article we will talk about the symptoms or kinds of anger, this way you will be able to know how to manage your anger.

We will also give some tips on how to cope with your anger. You don’t need anger management treatment because you can do it all by yourself, all you need is peace of mind and realisation, then everything will be alright.

We will also talk about the things that will trigger anger and the things that most people do when they are angry. This article is for those who are trying to find their way out of this problem and those who want more advice on how to manage their anger.

There are two symptoms of anger, with these examples you will be able to know or identify what kind of anger you are feeling. There many factors or scenarios that triggers our mood or our emotions. There different people in this planet and we all have different ways of showing our feelings. These symptoms will help you identify what kind of anger you are experiencing.

Read more >>> How To Manage Your Anger – Introduction and Tips
 

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back?

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back? Last week a friend shared with me about a falling out she's had with her brother and his new wife, following a remark that caused her offence.

Forgiveness: Is Holding On To Anger Holding You Back?

Last week a friend shared with me about a falling out she’s had with her brother and his new wife, following a remark that caused her offence.  My friend promptly issued an apology for her insensitivity once she’d realised her mistake, but her new sister-in-law has refused to accept it and hasn’t spoken to her since.  Her brother has backed his wife, leaving my friend feeling first hurt and upset – but now also angry.

I’m sure that you have experienced people who haven’t always been reasonable or rational to deal with; people who can be quick to judge and slow to forgive — even worse, people who have acted maliciously toward you or left you feeling betrayed.  And perhaps, like my friend, you’ve found yourself feeling pretty angry or hurt as a result.

It’s only natural to sometimes find ourselves feeling resentful toward people who are behaving in a self-centred, mean spirited or just “not very evolved” way.  But holding on to that resentment is not only psychologically harmful; it’s physiologically unhealthy. I’m sure you’ve heard me say anger acts like a cancer that can spread throughout all the corners of our life, infiltrate our relationships with people who had nothing to do with the original “crime,”  and take years off our life.  Literally.  Clinical studies have proven the very real link between the emotion of anger and the development of heart disease and numerous other unsavoury ailments and illnesses.  They’ve also proven the medicinal value of letting it go.

The stronger your anger, the greater the reason to let it go.

The only way to let go of anger is through forgiveness: of yourself and of those you feel have ‘wronged’ you.  Holding on to it is akin to swallowing a bottle of poison and waiting for the other person to die.  But as you may know all too well, forgiving is easier said than done.  While we may intellectually understand its benefits, sometimes we still end up in the midst of a head vs. heart tug of war with an indignant voice in our head protesting “What the hell?!  That schmuck doesn’t deserve my forgiveness!” 

That voice comes from the dark side of our ego, something Dr. Freud called our “Id”.  It feeds on righteousness and gets a payoff from being right, from making others wrong, and clinging to its claim on victim-hood — even at the expense of our health and happiness.  Needless to say, it can leave you wallowing in a sea of righteousness, that leaves you feeling anything from mildly pissed off to drowning in rage.

Forgiveness is not a question of whether others are deserving of it.  Because forgiveness is ultimately not about them; it’s about you. More specifically, it’s about how you choose to respond to your anger; whether to let it consume you, or to let it go and live more wholeheartedly as a result.  At the heart of forgiveness is to let go the power an event from the past has on your future.  Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim to yourself. 

You may have had no choice whether to feel pain at the time the “offence” was committed, but you do now.  That doesn’t mean forgetting what happened in the past, nor letting others “off the hook” for their transgression.  Sandra Bullock forgave Jesse James; she still left him.  It just means, to repeat something I heard Oprah Winfrey say, that you give up the hope that the past can ever be any different.

So as my friend confided to me about her own growing resentment, I suggested that maybe this was a really wonderful opportunity for her to practice forgiveness: forgiving her brother and new sister-in-law for simply being the fallible human beings that they are.  That we all are, just at varying places along our journey; and as I reminded my friend, it can’t be much fun to be someone who takes offense so quickly and is so committed to feeling wronged.

What about you?  Is there someone you need to forgive?  Through the simple yet profoundly courageous act of forgiveness, you expand what is possible for you in every arena of your life and enlarge your capacity to give and receive love in every, yes every, relationship.

Holding fast to your claim on anger renders you a victim to yourself.

Forgiveness is not always a one-off event.  Some wounds take longer to heal.  So be patient with yourself when anger simmers back up to the surface.  You are, after all, a “human becoming.”   Just know that within you lies all the courage you need to release your past into the past, and to enlarge your future possibilities for health and for happiness, for life and for love.  Surely that’s worth the effort.

Margie Warrell – About the Author:


Margie Warrell

Thought leader in human potential, master life coach, international speaker, media contributor and best-selling author of Find Your Courage. Take the Courage Quiz, watch Margie’s TV interviews (TODAY show, Fox, CNBC) and sign up for her free LIVE BOLDLY! newsletter. Then order your personally autographed Amazon best-seller book – Find Your Courage

Making Anger our Friend

Anger is an emotion, aggression is a behaviour and hostility is a behaviour style. Anger does not necessarily have to, or need to, lead to aggression. It is important for us to understand that we can become angry without acting aggressively.

Making Anger our Friend. Anger is an emotion, aggression is a behaviour and hostility is a behaviour style. Anger does not necessarily have to, or need to, lead to aggression. It is important for us to understand that we can become angry without acting aggressively.

There is an often quoted phrase from the play ‘The Mourning Bride’ by the 17th century playwright, William Congreve, “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned or Heaven a rage as love to hatred turned”. Our rage can be righteous and constructive.

Anger can be a healthy, normal emotion but if we do not understand our anger we will allow it to take over our life making us destructive and violent, which is when it becomes a big problem. Not only does the anger eat away and destroy us but it also affects everyone and everything around us.

It can emerge from one or a variety of causes and part of the process of therapy is helping to sort out the cause of our anger. In order to do this our anger must be acknowledged and felt. Naming our anger is a crucial stage in the healing process.

Our resistance to anger is no more wrong than the experience of our own anger. Both are very healthy human reactions. Once we learn to recognise that resistance we feel we need to look at it, try to understand it and then discuss it with a professional. Gradually, as we begin to acknowledge our resistances to anger it looses its power over us and we find it becomes easier to work through it and let it go.

Outbursts of anger, irritability and being aware of having a short temper are very often symptoms of a form of depression. Often, when we feel depressed, we will feel angry that things are going so wrong for us, angry that we are in so much emotional pain and angry at the seemingly hopeless situation in which we find ourselves.

As a child we may have been discouraged from showing the helpless, vulnerable sides of ourselves but we would still have had that urge to express how we feel. Examples around us as we grew older may have shown us that anger is a more acceptable way to us of expressing emotional pain than crying, or asking directly for help.

When we act out our anger other people see our breathing becoming more rapid, an initial reddening and then our face turning white, our voice will become louder and we will speak more quickly, our movements becoming erratic, our muscles tensing up, our face becoming distorted, our shoulders hunching up and we may probably clench our fists.

If we continue down a path where we are constantly angry, whether we either suppress it or act it out, it will eventually cause major problems with very serious consequences to our health. We may also experience increasingly longer periods before we recover from illnesses.

Anger is designed to be our natural emotional response to protect us from danger. Anger is an essential part of our instinctual system for protection and preservation. Anger can be used as a force of energy to be expressed when we need to push away or combat a threat. However, if the threat is not real, anger will become a means of destroying our life and our relationships and cease to be a form of protection and

We need to use our intellect and discernment to identify whether a threat is imaginary or real. There is nothing irrational or wrong with experiencing anger from imagined scenarios and beliefs, it shows us that our emotional response system is working properly; our emotions will respond the same way in either scenario. 

We need to understand that the scenarios which the mind project are often not rational at all which is where problems arise.  It is the thoughts, beliefs, and scenarios that our mind has become conditioned to which generate a response in anger.

Anger becomes a very real problem when we become dependent on it as a primary means of self expression, when we use our anger inappropriately or the threat of violence as a weapon to try to exert our will.

Uncontrolled anger is harmful for both the targets of anger and the angry person. Inappropriately used, anger will destroy relationships, makes it difficult to hold down a job, and, as mentioned above, it takes a heavy toll on our physical and emotional health.

In some families, the expression of anger is not permitted. The children are taught that expressing anger is bad, selfish, etc. Children brought up in anger intolerant homes develop suppressed anger. Since the anger energy is not allowed to be channeled externally, the child learns ways of suppressing the anger inside.

A popular analogy for anger is the use water which is a good one as water is necessary for life. When water is channelled effectively, it sustains life, it allows us to drink, cook, bathe, etc. However, when water is channelled improperly, it causes massive damage. Water, as the equivalent of suppressed anger goes undetected, leaking from pipes that are behind walls.

This leaky water creates mould, which will damage the supporting structures of the house. In a similar manner, suppressed anger harms our own being. It leads to feelings of guilt, depression, poor self-esteem and passive-aggressive behaviours such as seeking to get back at someone through passive-aggressive means.

It is a popular misconception that we inherit our anger, this is totally untrue. All this misconception achieves is to allow us to fool ourselves that our anger is an inevitable reaction over which we have no control. Our primary experiences with anger will be as children and, not only is the expression of anger learned, but it can become a routine, familiar, and predictable response to a variety of situations.

We need to learn the difference between being assertive and behaving aggressively. Assertiveness establishes our own authority and is respectful whilst aggression is threatening, bullying and intimidating. People listen when someone is speaking assertively but not when someone is being aggressive, they will only hear the anger

Many people believe that venting our anger is a positive thing in ways such as screaming at the wall or beating a pillow. This theory is absolutely wrong. The more we vent anger in an aggressive manner the more we learn to deal with situations in that manner. It does not achieve a positive result from others or within ourselves.

Although we may feel better after an angry outburst, everyone else will feel worse. This is called an “apparent” payoff because the long-term negative consequences far outweigh any short-term gains.

With Counselling we learn to own our anger and allow it to manifest in ways which are healthy and positive. This can be a wonderful and powerful thing when learnt correctly. However, it can be counter-productive if not taught well.

For example, a common approach to anger management is simply teaching people to control and repress their anger. This is not healthy! This will often redirect the anger to a different outcome which, as described above, could be depression, physical or psychological problems, or more serious physical ailments.

Counselling helps us learn to speak out, in ways that are safe and productive; this is particularly helpful when we suffer from suppressed anger. If we suffer from explosive anger, Counselling teaches us to learn how to calm down, think and find ways to discuss our thoughts and feelings in a productive manner. Counselling also helps us work out why we become angry and teaches us to make friends with our emotions and not be a slave to them.

In conclusion, anger is a natural part of our lives. There are many causes of anger and there are many ways to deal with anger. Once we recognise we have a problem with anger we should discuss this with a trusted professional.

Richard Gosling  www.sustainable-empowerment.co.uk

Richard Gosling – About the Author:

Richard Gosling founded Sustainable Empowerment on the Psycho-dynamic Perspective which is a generic term that embraces all Psychology therapies of an analytical nature. These include Gestalt, Psycho-synthesis, Psycho-dynamics, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Humanistic Psychotherapy.

“Psychological skills alone are not enough to effectively do this work. In addition, the client must feel that the therapist is totally accepting of them. And no therapist can fake genuine regard for a client for long.” I work in an entirely non-judgemental way and absolutely accept you as you are in that particular time.

Nothing makes me more angry and sad than a cold and judgemental person

Nothing makes me more angry and sad than a cold and judgemental person. Yes Mike Robbins is quite right in many aspects of his article  The Power of Empathy.

Nothing makes me more angry and sad than a cold and judgemental person.

Yes Mike Robbins is quite right in many aspects of his article  The Power of Empathy  and I have to say, and have mentioned to people before, that a cold and judgemental person is such a sad thing to see or be.

I wish people could learn to be more understanding. Nothing makes me more angry and sad than a cold and judgemental person.

We all have judgemental prejudices. We all think thoughts that separate us from one another. We may not necessarily agree with everyone, that would be very impossible, but we can at least try to understand why people do something or act in a certain way. We can learn a lot that way…

This may or may not change anything, but I have always felt bad in the past when I have judged people… WE really should do better…. We should learn not to judge . Life is so much more enriching the more people you know and there really are some wonderful people out there once you let go, and you will find out the more diverse they are.

I challenge people now to try to make yourself a better person. You may not always agree with others, but is it really so hard to see through someone else’s eyes and see the other side of the coin ? Trust me, you’ll be happier if you do.

Understanding is great patience, and great patience is gold within us……!! Its very important for your children to learn too if you have them..

Try it for you, do it for them, lets help make the world a better place .

Written by Joanne Wellington for medium2spirit.com
 Copyright © 2010,2015 Joanne Wellington All Rights Reserved.

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